Sightings

Last night my friend Erin and I left Tony's restaurant around 9:30 after our first official book club meeting. This isn't your regular book club; after trying in vain to form a fully-fledged book club with a name, a Google groups page, and more than two members, we gave up trying to meet because the club couldn't agree on a date, a time, or a book.

Not to be deterred, Erin and I formed our own. We decided that for our first book reading in our new club, we would read the highly acclaimed Eckhart Tolle book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. We were both curious, but I personally was chagrined about the prospect of reading a quasi-self-help book. I was embarrassed about jumping the Oprah’s Books Bandwagon with the millions of other hapless readers looking for the answers to “life’s persistent questions.” I called Erin from Barnes and Noble to say that I couldn’t find it on my own and was embarrassed to ask for it. I was afraid to carry the book around for reading, fearful that I might be judged as just another cow in the herd of soulless Americans.

The book sat unread for months. Occasionally, we checked in on each other’s lack of progress, but last week we finally committed to a schedule. We met, we discussed, we have homework and reading for next week. We decided that even if we did occasionally fall asleep while being awakened to our lives’ purpose, it was a worthy exercise.

Anyway.

Last night we were standing outside of Tony’s restaurant, which also happens to be right next to the Egyptian Theater. I’m holding my Eckhart Tolle book in one arm while Erin unlocks her bike. A few performers stream out of the theater, the last one being this guy:

Photo © Mick Rock 2008

As he passes me, he points and calls out, "hey, that's a great book!" For those of you who don't know, it was Alejandro Escovedo. With his endorsement, all I could do was laugh at myself.

Time Flies, and Then It Doesn't

It seems like our summer at the ranch just flew by us and much too soon, it was over. When I left Montana in mid-August, I was ready to come back to my urbane Boise. I longed for easy access to fresh, local, and organic produce and dairy products. I longed for more than one option for my local restaurant. I longed to have clean laundry on a whim, without having to scrub it by hand or haul it into someone else’s home. I longed to have an oven for baking.

But, it wasn't long before I found myself, um, longing for the ranch.

Longing for what? The simplicity of life out there, the ease of having a clear idea of what to do with my time, and of what work to accomplish. Somehow, having a myriad of options is overwhelming to me: Yoga? Shopping? Cleaning? Farmer's market? Festival? Fishing? Gardening? Socialize? Bike ride? I have learned to appreciate the satisfaction of having clearly defined goals for the day. Wake up, get your breakfast, get to work. I like the idea of knowing precisely why something is being done and being able to see the results; you irrigate to make the grass grow so the cows have food to eat, the roof is replaced so that it doesn’t leak, the trash is collected because it doesn’t belong in the field. 

The joy and luxury of our own laundry machines has quickly worn off and piles of laundry sit in various places around the house, waiting to be folded. I find myself making multiple trips to multiple grocery stores because the recipes I want to make are so freaking complicated. At the ranch my spice rack consisted of six things: oregano, basil, parsley, salt, pepper, and garlic. Yesterday I went to the store to buy flax seeds, whole wheat pastry flour, soy milk, rice milk, and brown rice syrup. (Fortunately, I already had the agave nectar.)

Jon and I have talked occasionally over the last weeks about missing the ranch. Yesterday, we had this conversation:

Me: “I think we might be overdue for a trip to the ranch.”
Jon: “Overdue? Why do you say that?”
Me: “Well, we’ve both been talking lately about missing it and we’ve been away a long time now.”
Jon: “Kate. It has only been a month.”
Me: “Just a month? Really?”
Jon: “Really. It was mid-August when we left and it is now only mid-September.”
Me: “Wow.”

Wheels turning, a few minutes later I actually initiated this ridiculous line of conversation:

Me: "How long do you think it would take to get to the ranch if we had a private plane?"
Jon: "Well, it depends on the plane. How big it is, how often you have to refuel."
Me: "Like a small plane, just big enough for us."
Jon: "In a small, two-seater plane it would probably take 6 – 8 hours."
Me: "Hmmph. So it wouldn’t really save us much time then. And we couldn’t bring the dogs."

Quiet Struggle

This past week has been a tough one for me, more on that later. It followed an eight-day vacation and visit with my brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew which was fun, followed by fun, rounded out by fun. This was their first visit to Boise and Jon and I reveled in the opportunity to share our city.

Although having two extra adults and two toddlers in the house with our current count of three dogs led to a certain degree of chaos, it was welcome, especially now that they have gone. I won't try to pull the wool over your eyes by saying that there weren't mornings I awoke to a crying, okay occasionally screaming, child. There were battles over watching television and chocolate milk versus juice. There were disciplinary events highlighted by warnings such as, "Do not sit on your sister!"

My nephew, who is three and a half, discovered the joys of peeing outside while on a recent camping trip back home. He has not, however, learned the subtleties of when it is appropriate to pee outside. On several occasions, we lost track of him in the backyard, only to find him in various corners with his pants around his ankles.

It was fun to see the world through kid-eyes again. We turned over rocks everywhere to look for earwigs and roly poly bugs, visited three different playgrounds, and he learned how to fish with his new Spider-Man fishing rod. Every moment of silence was broken by, "Can I go outside and go fishing?" and "Where is my fishing rod?" After several days of practice while we camped on the Middle Fork of the Payette, he was casting like a champ. Thing is, he kept catching the same red plastic fish!

We caught lots of trout on our camping trip. My brother and Jon renewed their vows with fishing and we could barely peel them away from that river. I myself caught three fish and my brother commented that fishing is like gambling: "just one more cast." The fish were cooked and enjoyed especially by the kids who gobbled them down without hesitation.

After they left, the house was q-u-i-e-t and Jon and I had several "what do we do now" moments. But we settled back in and geared up for the school and work week.

On Tuesday, September 2nd, the search warrants in Nancy's case were unsealed.

I've kept a pretty tight check in the last few weeks on how much I delve into the media and my emotions; some might say too tight, but I felt like I needed a break. But on Tuesday, I poured over all of the available documentation; old and new scenarios danced in my head. On Thursday, I received a completely unexpected call from the detective on the case. The rest of the week was a grief-ridden spiral.

Things are a little better now, but I heard someone say on a radio show last night that grief is not a process. The word process implies a beginning and an end and belies the life-altering proportions of death. I have yet to know how my life will be irrevocably changed by this event, and that unknowing scares me.

Priorities

After more than 80 days working in Montana on our ranch I returned to Boise, and the many summer projects that need to be finished before school starts on August 25th. The list was very long a week ago, but we are crossing things off at a pretty quick rate. We've replaced a dilapidated screen door with a new Andersen glass door, replaced multiple door handles and deadbolts, power-washed the house and deck, repainted exterior doors and trim, built a bench on the deck, painted the deck, and done more yard work and weeding in the garden than one ever thought possible.

The trim repairs proved to be a bit more complicated than I expected. After removing the rotten trim I discovered a surprise; the old fascia boards were custom cut to fit together like a puzzle. To replace them would require a table saw. Off to Home Depot after doing some research on Consumer Reports. Creating the new fascia was a piece of cake with the right tools! We reevaluated some of the project priorities and decided that we needed a bench on the deck, and with the new table saw I figured I could handle it.



It was a chore to complete in the heat but we are quite pleased with our new addition!

Just as a side note, thinking of the ranch. Here's a picture of my 1965 John Deere 4020 with the loader. Althought it is nice to be home, I kind of miss the massive amount of daily labor that we managed to do every day on the ranch. I spent most of yesterday (and most of my next several days will be spent) catching up on my studies.

The Guest House

A friend shared this with me today. It resonated with her and then with me. It helped me to gain an understanding of the inexplicable.

The Guest House
Rumi

(From The Essential Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks)

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Coming soon...

I can't believe the last time I blogged was July 30th, and that I left ya'll hanging about the sheep. There are many more stories to tell about our summer that I'm sure we won't get to all of them.

I arrived back in Boise with Cash and Gus (the two sheep-marauding dogs) a week before Jon and Tucker and it is has been somewhat of a difficult transition for me and Gus. Per usual, Jon adapts readily but I am slower to ease into the old routine. I have been home for a week and a half and my suitcase is still sitting open and full on the floor of the guest bedroom. I find myself barely able to be inside the house. I find myself wanting for physical work on a scale that just isn't available here in the city; although, the backup of six weeks of yard work gave me a good run for my money. Gus quickly bored of the confines of our yard. He found a hole in the fence and decided to explore on his own. Fortunately, he didn't go too far and when I found him he was so excited that I had decided to join him for his adventure!

I am sure we will try to do some posts about a few more things from the ranch, but for the most part, life will move on. School starts at BSU on August 25th for both me and Jon. Just like last semester, my night class falls on one of the few nights that Jon doesn't have class. Arggh! But, a friend of mine will be in the class with me which will make it much more enjoyable. Jon starts his clinical nursing rotations so the semester should be very interesting and busy for him.

Summer is not yet over and I hope it has treated you all well. We will make the most of what remains.

Summer Photo Log

Finally home! I returned to Boise on Saturday evening after a nice 12 hour drive through Montana and Idaho. We chilled out for a night and then started our long list of projects we've got to do here at our house. Gardening and yard work were first on the list. There was also a good bit of laundry and house cleaning intermingled throughout most of the day. I've added pictures to our photo repository from our summer so far. You can see the mess our renters left behind, the clean-up effort. We got so many things done, most importantly the transformation of our ranch from a junk pile to a cozy place to stay.

I just installed a dog door for our 3 boys, they seem confused. I think they prefer having a doorman. We'll write more later, enjoy the photos!